from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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