Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Green mimosas i think yes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
