I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My cat gives me a boner
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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