Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
