i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
