if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I smell stomach acid.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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