If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
