ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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