Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
