so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
