can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
