Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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