some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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