There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
