...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Randomize
