Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
