he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
