i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
