So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
the raccoons are back...
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