she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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