is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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