My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
