It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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