I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize