the condom got lost in my hair
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
