first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
