I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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