we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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