Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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