My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
