well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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