There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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