Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
