HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
