i will never coherently bang her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to calm my uterus...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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