watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
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the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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