His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i came on her dog
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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