I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
