no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
accomplished twins. life is a go
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
