carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
