And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
