The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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