Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
