Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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