so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize