But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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