I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
