Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
