3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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