Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
