do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
