i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
