i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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