He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
