I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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