Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sext me about skeletons
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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