i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
