Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
