Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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