She tied me up with her honor cords...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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