I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
