I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
