I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
