I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
