nut hugger
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
