Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
not ubering you a puppy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
