drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
